Looking back gives us perspective. We can see how we've changed. The process of pregnancy and motherhood changed my perspective forever. It shifted it in a way that I'd never imagined possible. Now getting older I notice my perspective is changing again. Not due to the kids but due to something else I don't think I'll fully understand until I get to look back at it.
Whatever the reason I'm finding it liberating and scary at the same time. The biggest shift I'm noticing at the moment is in my yoga teaching. When I started teaching I realise now all I was after was the answer. What is yoga? What's the real definition? What is the safest way to teach? What is the correct anatomy? I think the need came from my conscientious self who wanted to offer the very best I could and from my own OCD about being correct. Lately I've felt a move away from the need to know, to be right. Now I find myself in the unfamiliar territory of 'it depends' and 'well how does it feel'. It's liberating.
We often talk about intuition in life, movement, motherhood. I feel finally after ten years of teaching I'm beginning to find that much more honestly than I ever have. My teaching and experience of yoga is so much more about being me, being with myself in a real way than it is about legs being positioned here and arms over there to create the best yoga shape available.
My instruction has followed suit. I find myself using more invitations to feel and explore rather than endless lists of body part placements to make. The expression 'How can you create more space for yourself here' often comes from me during class. I also used to lead the breath throughout whole practices sometimes 'inhale, exhale' etc and now I hear myself saying 'breathe and move, breathe and move'.
It's as if there's a change brewing in my and you know what I like it. The old me would have worried about it's authenticity but this new emerging self is OK to just see what happens and in fact I feel more authentic now than I ever have.
Yoga for me now isn't a definition held in an ancient text or ritual passed down through a lineage, it appears that yoga is more than ever about me finding my place in the world and moving freer in it.
I'm not writing this with the intent of saying I'm right and all else is wrong. I'm not making a judgement on other yoga teachers, styles, ideas, I'm just putting out there what finally feels like the truth of it for me.
One thing is true though that has always been part of yoga to me, it's a journey and I've not arrived yet.
Hope to see you on a mat soon for some breathing and move and being.